Sexual extortion or “sextortion” is a form of blackmail where someone threatens to share an intimate image or video of you unless you meet their demands. Often, they’ll intimidate you by threatening to send the compromising content to everybody on your contact list unless you send money or more explicit images or videos of yourself.
While sextortion can happen to anyone, young people are often targeted because they may not fully understand online risks and can be more trusting or vulnerable.
Our job as parents is to protect our children from danger, but it doesn’t mean bubble-wrapping them so they don’t even know threats exist. If our children know about the potential risks (in age-appropriate ways), they will be better at managing them and protecting themselves. It’s never too early and never too late.
Kirra Pendergast is a globally recognised digital safety educator. Here are some of her tips on how to discuss sextortion with your children:
1. remind them it’s not their fault
“It’s a serious form of blackmail and it’s never okay.”
2. address the legalities
“Sharing personal images is illegal when you’re under 18 but if you’re being threatened or blackmailed with such images, you are not the one who’s in trouble here.”
3. explain the power of speaking up
“People behind sextortion rely on fear and shame to control the victim.”
4. open the door to communication
“We’re here for you today, tomorrow and every day after that. We love you no matter what.”
Experts familiar with child exploitation crimes also recommend:
- Making sure online device use is in a space where others can see and hear what they are doing.
- Only accepting friend requests and talking to people online who they actually know in person (but not meeting up with those they’ve met online).
- Configuring the strongest privacy settings on all social media apps and sites. Review them regularly as updates may change settings.
- Allow only their circle of friends to view their information, tag them in a photo or share posts.
- Using strong passwords and not sharing them.
- Spending a healthy amount of time online and offline.
- Never sending an explicit photo or video to anyone, no matter how much you trust them.
what to do if your child is being sextorted
- Cease all communication with the blackmailer.
- Seek additional professional support.
- Report the incidentto the authorities. In Australia, if their intimate image or video is shared, or the platform doesn’t help, you should also report to the eSafety Commissioner.
Our children are going to make mistakes in their life. While some mistakes will be bigger than others, losing our temper or composure will only make things worse, as they can interpret it as you being angry at or blaming them. They need to know we won’t get angry with them if there’s a problem and we will be there with them to work out a solution together.
