Setting goals can be a powerful way to take control of your health and wellbeing. When you intentionally choose your actions and process, you’re more likely to stay engaged and motivated. Think of health like a currency—something you can use to build a meaningful life. Good health is not just something to have or to strive for—it’s something to spend on things that matter to you. Like energy, time or money, health is most valuable when it enables you to show up fully in the parts of your life you care about.
healthy longevity
Using the principles of lifestyle medicine as a basis for considering health, our capacity to form social bonds is a powerful predictor of both longevity and good health—or if you prefer, healthy longevity. There’s not much point in adding more years to your life if they’re not healthy and productive, right? Social connections help us better manage stress; they support us during periods of significant change (even health behaviour change); and some of the research into social connections and health shows a strong link between the quality of relationships we have and the extent to which we actively care for our own wellbeing. Every opportunity we get to make and grow a social connection matters. A well-known research paper found that poor social connection and loneliness have about the same impact on your health and longevity as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Connection promotes health, boosts immunity, helps regulate emotions, protects the brain and reduces the risk of early death.
And when I describe “relationships”, I’m not just referring to the deep, long-term ones (like family, spouses, old school friends and long-standing work colleagues), but also the small, ordinary moments we share with others each day—interacting with the cashier when you buy groceries, greeting the bus driver when you get on the bus, holding a door open for the person behind you, and more.
When it’s framed like this, we can think about social connection in two broad categories, using the metaphor of a meal: social dining and social snacking.
social dining
Social dining isn’t about sharing food (although you can certainly double down on the health benefits by eating delicious, nutritious food in the company of people you really like!). I’m referring to deeper, longer-term connections with people who matter to us. It’s the time you spend catching up with your closest friend over coffee, calling your sibling just to talk, walking with your partner and really tuning in and listening to how they’re doing. These are the “dining” experiences of social life—they’re nourishing, memorable and sustaining. They’re the conversations that happen when you have space, time, energy and trust. Sometimes they’re not convenient—the phone rings when you’re about to walk out the door. But the person matters and typically, the conversation is worth it.
Social dining is something to prioritise regularly. It deepens our sense of meaning, identity and belonging. And those conversations allow us to be “known”—not just seen. There’s something incredibly healing about knowing that someone else in the world has heard and understood you and your experience.
social snacking
Social snacking is something different. It’s usually quick and incidental—it just happens to occur while we’re doing something else—but it’s not the primary focus or intention. It might be a few brief words exchanged with the barista while they’re making your morning order, a shared joke with someone in a supermarket queue, a smile from a neighbour as you both bring your bins in or a brief conversation with the cashier who’s ringing up your groceries. These micro-connections may not mean much on their own—they’re often only seconds long but over time, they can create a sense of belonging and shared humanity.
Often, we focus all our attention on the big connections that go deep and take time to develop. They matter, of course. But don’t overlook the small ones. There are opportunities to enjoy these “snacks” often several times a day—and they work! They can lift our mood, ease stress and remind us that we’re part of something bigger than ourselves.
If you’re feeling a little isolated, it can feel overwhelming to organise a big catch-up or invest the time and emotional energy required to repair a broken relationship. But social snacking gives you a low-effort way to build momentum. One small exchange can lead to another. Over time, those brief moments help you rebuild confidence in your ability to engage, listen and respond to social cues.
Here’s what I’ve found as a long-term user of social snacking: the more you do it and the more consistent you are, the more likely those incidental connections are to develop into something more. You’re more likely to learn something important about the person you’re talking to—and you may even feel like sharing something that matters to you. When you go to the same store each week to buy fruit and vegetables, and you see the same person arranging the produce on the displays, that’s an opportunity not just to nod as you walk in the door, but to pause and ask, “How’s your week going?”
Make eye contact. Be curious. Offer a small comment, an observation, a compliment. These small gestures take very little effort, but they often create a ripple of energy like rings in a pond. Remember also that social snacking is not “meaningless”—it’s not intended to be a mindless “hihowareyou?” with no intention or desire to listen to the response. It’s an opportunity to connect, to learn, to share—and to be seen. Over time, you may even find you build a sense of “anticipatory gratitude” (another powerful pathway to good health) about going to that place and interacting with that person.
where to start
So, if I’ve convinced you by now that social dining and social snacking are both important, and you want to get started, what should you do?
First, create an intention in yourself for both dining and snacking. We can do both with food, right? We have meals, two or maybe three times a day, and smaller snacks like fruit or nuts in between.
Reflect on those people in your life who are really important, and plan to spend time connecting with them regularly—a long phone call, a meal, a shared activity. Then supercharge the benefit of those times by taking a moment to recall at the end of the day what was so meaningful about them and experience that moment of gratitude.
And . . . enjoy some daily social snacks. Remember that every one of these moments is a chance to engage, to learn and to share. As is the case with nearly everything in life, waiting for the “perfect moment” usually means waiting forever. Start where you are—with the people around you. A smile or wave to a neighbour counts! Saying “hello” to the bus driver counts! Holding a door open for someone counts! Talking to your barista, or table waiter, or the librarian or dental receptionist all count!
and don’t forget!
Possibly the most important point of all is this: you will receive a benefit from engaging in social dining and social snacking. It’s literally good for you. Don’t forget, sometimes the person who benefits most from your small gesture isn’t you. You may well be helping someone else feel more connected, more heard and more seen. That’s a gift worth sharing.
Simon Matthews is an adjunct lecturer at Avondale University’s Lifestyle Medicine & Health Research Centre. He loves talking about his passions of travelling and cooking. He writes from Madrid, Spain.
