What we get wrong about behaviour change

The start of the year is when most people set goals for their lives, and we know all too well how many people fail to follow through with their resolutions. If you’re reading this, chances are you’re interested in living a purposeful life and making thoughtful use of the resources you have—including your health. Thinking about health in this way—as a resource—can help you think confidently about managing and making changes to your wellbeing. We often think of health as a “state” of wellness you have at any point in time. This is true but it misses some of the point. Just being healthy is a little useless unless you do something meaningful with it. It’s a bit like being a billionaire. It would be nice to have all that money—but is it worth it if you don’t put it to good use in your life and the world? The word whealthy has been coined to try and capture this idea.  

There are many tools, apps, books and influencers offering information and guidance on behavioural change. I’m going to outline a small handful of principles that everyone can harness to make such changes. And the good news is, you don’t need to buy anything or get a membership. You don’t even need willpower!

momentum

The challenge we all face is that behavioural change is not easy. But it is easy to understand why it’s not easy. It’s not easy for the same reason that it’s hard when you first start pushing a broken-down car. You know the feeling—huge effort, tiny gain. It can be easy to give up. But you’ve probably had the experience of seeing that if you keep pushing, it gets a little bit easier over time. The reason is momentum! At first it requires a great effort to overcome the car’s inertia (inertia literally means having no energy). The more effort you make, the more you enjoy the benefits of momentum.

This is the first principle of making behavioural change and it’s a little counter-intuitive. Sometimes we say to ourselves, “I’ll start eating cleaner, or going to the gym, or cutting out sweets next year, or when I get through this stressful time at work, or when I can concentrate better.” The research on behaviour change shows that you’re much more likely to be successful if you start a change when you’re already busy with another big change or effort in your life. What’s the reason? Momentum! 

You’ve already started using your skills and resources to do one thing. Adding one more thing is easier now that you’re moving! So, whether it’s December, January or the middle of May, start making the change today.   

the why beneath the why 

The second principle that sits under successful behavioural change is being able to clearly answer the question “why?” When I teach this, I go a few steps further and I keep asking “why?”, or “what makes that important to you?” Let me show you how this works. Say you want to lose weight. Why? You might say that you want to have more energy or look better, feel better, fit a favourite shirt again or prepare for a wedding. Great! But why is that important to you? You might tell me now that having more energy means you could enjoy doing things with your kids or grandkids more or that a shirt you no longer fit holds special memories for you. 

That’s good! Now, let’s keep digging. Why is it important for you to be able to do things with your kids or grandkids? After some reflection, you might share with me that you know how important it is to be a great role model and you know how quickly life moves by, so you want to enjoy every minute of it. 

Now you can see we’re getting much closer to the really important reasons for you to make this change. It’s not actually about losing five or 10 kilograms. It’s because you value your family relationships so deeply and you want to experience that joy as much as you can for as long as you can. This is the second principle: the why beneath the why beneath the why beneath the why. The further you go, the more you anchor your desired behavioural change to strong and enduring values that you want to live by.

realistic expectations

The third principle builds on this: once you know the destination and the reasons for going, you can start to plan the trip. If you decide to pack everything up and take a road trip around the country, you get yourself ready. You make sure the car is fit for the task, you pack clothing and other things you need. You think through how much driving you want to do each day and where that’s going to put you so that you can plan your accommodation. You also think about things like topping off the fuel or carrying some spares (like tyres, fan belts or oil). In other words, you devote a lot of effort to preparation. The same approach works with behaviour change, too. When you’re ready to start making a change, do some planning. And be realistic! Can you drive from Brisbane to Melbourne in a day? Well, yes, you can, technically. But it’s not much fun and it really strains you, your car and your passengers. Better to plan Brisbane–Newcastle, Newcastle–Canberra, Canberra–Melbourne, for example. That way you’ll still arrive at your destination and you’ve had some time to appreciate the scenery. You’ll also build in room to deal with unexpected events and, importantly, you’ll allow time to rest and recharge along the way.

share the journey 

As you embark on the journey of change, remember the importance of relationships and the support they can provide. Find people in your circle who are interested in you and what you’re doing and share the journey together. Do this thought experiment: imagine having to carry a 40-kilogram bag of sand across your yard. Sounds hard, right? Now imagine an interlocking grip with three other people, placing the bag in the middle of your arms. It’s much more manageable. One of the joys of sharing the journey is that you might get to support someone else, too.

be kind to yourself

Change is hard. There will be setbacks. It’s not a steady, straight line from where you are to where you want to be—it’s more like a game of Snakes and Ladders. We often feel a sense of urgency about behaviour change, like it must happen now—or even better, yesterday! But those time constraints are usually self-imposed. If it’s taking longer than you planned, it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It most likely means your original plan was a little on the ambitious side. Adjust the plan as required. Keep going! Use temporary failures and setbacks as an opportunity to pause and learn. Learn what did help as well as what you could do differently. 

There is no single best way to achieve the change you desire, no formula that works every time, no bootcamp that will guarantee success. But with a little vision, a little planning, a little learning and frequent small steps, every journey becomes possible.

Simon Matthews is a psychologist and leadership coach. He is a dual Fellow of both the American College and the Australasian Society of Lifestyle Medicine. He is an adjunct lecturer at Avondale University Lifestyle Medicine & Health Research Centre. He loves talking about his passions of travelling and cooking. He writes from Madrid, Spain.