There are seven core pillars every parent needs to build within their sons to help them grow up confident, healthy and liking themselves. These are seven important gifts to give our sons, to build a strong foundation so they’re able to withstand the challenges life will inevitably bring.
Journalists and researchers Kasey Edwards and Dr Christopher Scanlon distilled these seven principles after extensive research through academic journals, interviews with experts and conversations with 15,000 parents. The result is the book Bringing Up Boys Who Like Themselves in which they explain the choice of each pillar and detail its importance.
In a nutshell, the seven pillars every boy should have to withstand the toxic draw of the manosphere and grow up assured and resilient are:
1. the power perspective
Acknowledging and recognising that while they can’t control everything, they still have the power to control how they perceive those things and how they respond.
2. strength of character
Not to be confused with “toughness”, which can be easily misinterpreted as the need to dominate. A strong boy is one who will take responsibility for their actions. He is in touch with his emotions, lives with integrity and has a healthy self-
esteem and self-worth. Their strength comes from within, rather than relying on external validation.
3. body confidence
The rise of the “looksmaxxing” movement proves boys suffer from body image issues just as much as girls. Avoid commenting on how bodies look. Instead, focus on how bodies perform. Teach our children about realism and critical thinking, and how to apply that to what we see on screens and in public.
4. balance
Focus on the effort and behaviour, and not the results. Help them to understand through their own experience that their efforts can influence their chances of arriving at a certain goal (it will help with motivation as well). Avoid overscheduling: Children need time for unstructured play—even if they’re in school. Even screen time is fine, if used in moderation and with parental supervision.
5. mastery and independence
Let your children speak for themselves, allow them to go places unsupervised, teach them to take responsibility for their own belongings, let them take the lead. Most importantly, don’t lose it when they make a mistake. Because when our sons finally succeed, they will also develop a sense of mastery and independence. The pride and self-esteem that comes from mastering independence cannot be given to a child. It comes from within them being able to do life.
6. strong relationships
Guide them in making and navigating friendships, give them tools to face down peer pressure and encourage them to have positive relationships with females.
7. let him be himself
When we love our boys unconditionally—and when they know that—boys will have the confidence to go out in the world and be the person that he wants to be. The idea is to focus on our child’s strengths. Often as parents, we tell our kids what they need to work on or improve, but fail to tell them what they’re good at. When they know they’re good at something, but simply need extra help with something else, you bring the focus back on what they can do instead of what they can’t.
Watch our full interview with Kasey Edwards on how to bring up boys who like themselves.
