Loneliness cannot be cured!
Sometimes it is more obvious than at other times, but it never really goes away. Man spends a lifetime trying to understand it and eradicate it. There are all kinds of reasons for it. He has ideas but cannot get agreement. He wants friends, but he makes enemies. He knows that one day he will die and he does not want to be forgotten as quickly as he knows he will. In spite of all the faith he has, he feels alone and insignificant. Can Jesus help this dilemma? The question is valid.
First, and this seems the place to begin, what is loneliness? It is not just being alone, for all of us have been lonely in a crowd. It is perhaps a lack of communication with others around you. It can be estrangement from God. When you have no friends to talk to, when you have forgotten how to pray, when you lose all trust in people and finally in yourself—this is loneliness. Hellish, nerve-racking, pitifully painful. You reach out and the hungers of your soul find nothing to hold onto. That is loneliness.
Loneliness is watching a cricket match and being unable either to cheer or to play. Loneliness is walking by a family gathering in a strange city and realising that those you love and are loved by are hundreds of miles away. Loneliness is having a dream and finding no-one who can say, “I understand.”
Loneliness can be a friend, for it can make you think, study the reason for your loneliness and make you ask such questions as, “Have I pinched my personality into a mean and meagre thing so it has driven my friends away?” or “Have I repented of my sins so that now they are fewer, or repeated them again and again till now they are more?” From the lonely cross Jesus said, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.”
Have you thrown back the reply, “Well spoken, but have you ever thought how lonely it is apart from the crowd?”
Is it? Which is the greater loneliness—to be disenfranchised from Tom, Dick and Harry, or from the omnipotent God? Must you be all things to all people so that the shout and clamour give you no quiet time in which to think? Is the answer to loneliness a pat on the back or meaning in life?
Do you know what causes more loneliness than anything else? Meaninglessness. It is a mouthful of a word, but it is more than this. It is the truth. To the rich man Christ said, “Sell all you have.” To Nicodemus, He said, “Be born again.” To the disciples, He said “Follow Me.” To each of these He was offering meaning in life. None of these men were much better or much worse than other men. For that reason, all He preached is for all who will listen.
Why? Because the Christian who really is a Christian is a strange breed of humanity. He makes money and then gives a tenth or more of it away. He is honest even when it costs him. He gets up on Sabbath morning to worship instead of sleeping, and he reads to edify as well as to re-create. He gets all excited about heaven, his soul and a better world.
A Christian also has meaning in life. And as an antidote for loneliness, nothing can beat a true Christian experience. (Notice, and it is tragic I have to draw the distinction, I said Christian—not church member—for one is not necessarily the other). One thing is sure, is that we are going to have more and more loneliness.
We are a society ever on the move. The average family moves every five years. The local grocery store has been replaced by the supermarket, the old cobbler by a shoe-repair chain. We have mechanised the personal touch out of existence; the president of some large company is too far removed to either effectively love or hate. The by-product of our modern world could hardly be anything but loneliness.
The hymn “What a Friend We Have in Jesus” can take on considerable significance in a world where yesterday’s friend just moved to Timbuktu, and we are not long removed from the familiar surroundings of our hometown.
Other means of easing the pain of loneliness must be looked at, for they are there. One is the forgetfulness of alcohol. At least for a spell, it allows you to forget. Another is gambling. Man has always liked to try his luck on a race, a card, a pair of dice. The intensity of the moment makes people forget who they are. Some seek money, some fame, some loud parties. Anything that will leave them no time to think and muse on their loneliness and why—and therein lies the danger.
This kind of antidote for loneliness hides grave danger, for it touches only the surface. It has no depth, no lasting quality. When the drunken spree is over, or the gambling ended, or the party through, and the man stands out in the night alone, again he is brought back to self—person to person, his person—and if he is not satisfied with what he sees and feels, he is very, very lonely.
But there is a God and He has special things to drive away loneliness. He made man to practise brotherhood, for men who love and practise concern as Jesus would have them do help to wipe out the pangs of loneliness. When men are hated, ignored, misunderstood, no matter where or why, loneliness prevails.
Do not count how many friends you have, nor the names you can drop, nor the length of your Christmas list. Rather, make more perfect your horizontal relationship with others and your vertical relationship with God. If you can make few wounds and soothe what wounds are made with care—it will be better for all concerned.
Just thinking about certain words does something—words like friendship, liking, regard, understanding. Think about a friend. Think about someone who understands you or is trying to understand you. Think about another brother, so consistent that you know he will always be there. It is a comfort. In a cold world where too many do not care, it is good to know there are some who do. When the dark night of conflict, death or disillusionment descends, you need some lights in darkness. You need some outstretched hands. You need that touch on the shoulder. You need that friendship and Fatherhood which is unchangeable and eternal.
Faith is the greatest force against loneliness a man can have, as it tunes him into that which never wavers and never changes. Faith says, “God, You always are. Though I be the last man to survive, or all other men strike me from their list, I am not alone.”
Have you ever stopped to think how Jesus must have felt in His last days? The nails in His hands were not put there by understanding. The scourging on His back came not from love. Of His 12 disciples, one betrayed Him and 11 deserted Him. Even those closest to Him misunderstood Him. When you pray to Jesus, when you are lonely, if anyone can understand, He can. His loneliness on the cross must have hurt much more than the nails.
If God could be lonely there, then certainly all men can feel the same. Do you see the extrovert laughing loudly? Often in the night, when no-one is near to hear him laughing, he cries, for he, too, can be lonely. Do not look for loneliness but for ways to let people know you care. Be a good Samaritan. Fill your barns with the riches of good deeds. Cultivate compassion.
There is nothing like bearing another’s burdens to ease whatever loneliness you both have. We can practise understanding toward a few. You never have the opportunity often—the daily bread must be earned, the children must be cared for, a hundred details eat up time—but some opportunities come along. When they do, be ready for them. Send someone on his way with the warmth of fellowship you gave.
Pray for someone you do not even know. Forgive someone for a wrong. In short, make loneliness less in this world by caring. When you help to drive it out of another life, you help both of you.
